The radio on my jacket crackled. "I am in position, O'Neill."

"Splendid, splendid," I told Teal'c as Carter scrambled into our hidey-hole. "Stay on target."

"We ready, sir?" Carter asked.

"Yup, and yup." I felt downright chipper. Breaking Daniel out had gone slick as a greased-up weasel. He was in better shape than we thought he'd be after two weeks as an unwilling guest of the natives. Clearly they'd been giving him food and water. Hell, he was even clean. I gave him my handgun while I hoisted the P-90. "Still only four behind us, Carter. I can't tell you how much I love those odds. And with Teal'c on the ridge opposite - they won't know what hit 'em."

"It's just a scouting party," Daniel offered. "They'll just have the job of locating me and reporting back to the consul where I am. He'll bring the bigger squad with him."

"Didn't anyone ever tell these people about being good losers?"

"Apparently not, sir."

"It was rhetorical, Carter."

"Captives are very valuable, Jack. There's a whole ritualistic barter system built around them. The consul was planning to get a lot of -- well, popularity points is all I can think of right now, out of showing off the first off-world captive and trading me away to the guys who live on the peninsula."

"Jolly." I scanned the rockline opposite; I couldn't see Teal'c at all, which was exactly how it should be. We had a fantastic position. We'd left tracks all through the gully, then positioned Teal'c in his eagle nest while Carter, Daniel and I scrambled up the rock to this pocket. Looked like it opened up a bit farther back, but I doubted it would matter.

Daniel was slanting a look up at me. "Planning to just shoot them?"

Well, I had been planning to, yeah. But I saw his point. They were behind us, not in front of us. Tough to justify mowing them down. "Do you know the words for 'stand down and negotiate'?"

"Muerkte, un sprachkte nur."

I practiced it a few times. "See what I can do. Carter, check out the cave. I'd hate to have a grumpy bear or whatever is the local equivalent breathing down our necks when the targets get here. Daniel, back her up." I leaned belly-first against the big rock that covered the entrance to the God-given hidey hole we'd made note of on the way in, and scanned up and down the valley. Noncombatants wandering into the field could provide nasty complications but this little gorge showed no signs of habitation - not even goats. Guess this world was goat-free. In fact, I hadn't seen signs of any large animals anywhere. That was fine with me. I didn't want any nature in my ambush.

"Carter, those radios they have - not on our frequency, right?"

Sam shrugged. "I wouldn't take any bets, sir --"

"Best guess."

"My best guess is that they don't have transmitters or receivers anywhere near our frequencies. The MALP only showed some very low power transmissions on frequencies way below the range in which our gear works."

"Good enough for me." I clicked on. "Teal'c, it is unlikely, repeat unlikely that the enemy will pick up radio transmissions, though we should probably limit transmission once enemy is in sight, just for fun, over."

"Understood, O'Neill."

Better than chocolate, I thought to myself as I surveyed our tactical situation again, then turned to check out the troops. Carter looked wide-awake and ready to go. Probably still some residual adrenalin from the sneak. She looked downright perky despite the ten-mile hike. Looking at her made me feel old, but I grinned at her and she grinned back.

Daniel, on the other hand, had his eyes closed, and the handgun drooped in his grasp.

Carter saw it too, and her eyes spoke the question. I shrugged.

"How you feeling, Daniel?"

"Okay." He sounded tired. "My feet hurt."

"Yeah? How come?" I signaled Carter to watch the front door as I went and squatted next to Daniel.

I watched him while he talked. His eyes were focused and tracking and his lips showed good color - no poison, then - but his face seemed drawn. "You dehydrated? What's wrong with your feet?"

"No, I'm not dehydrated."

"How do you know? Drink half a liter of that water - we've got plenty." I popped an Army-issue, drop-it-out-of-a-plane-it'd-survive case out of a pocket; it contained a small government issue pharmacy. "Carter?"

"Still clear, sir. Wait - I lied. There they are."

I didn't leap up to go see. One of the things about leading a team like this was that you didn't even have to try to be everywhere, all at once. If a rock fell on my head right now they would carry out the mission exactly as they were supposed to, and when the unexpected happened they'd deal with that too. It was a very calming feeling, and I felt it, even as the adrenalin zinged through me again. "Excellent, excellent. Whites of their eyes, Carter." I didn't even bother to remind Teal'c through the radio.

"Yes sir."

I slapped the thermometer on Daniel's head with one hand and felt for his pulse with the other. I could watch the thermometer and my watch and count at the same time. "Tell me about your feet."

"Nothing wrong with them, Jack. Just a little tender."

"Because--?"

"Because the Shaikana spent a lot of time sticking needles into them."

"Yeah? That sounds like no fun." Temperature was a little low but not much; pulse was fine. "Good thing Frasier keeps us up to date on our tetanus shots. Let's see them." Continuing my fast and dirty field exam I looked at the back of the hand I was holding, then the palm. The skin around the fingertips looked puffy and red. "Here too?"

"Yeah." Daniel shrugged. "It's no big deal, Jack. Just hurts."

"Musta hurt while they were doing it, too." I released the hand, started unlacing a boot.

"Yeah. Not as much as the gums, though."

I frowned, made as if to reach for his face, but Daniel flinched back. "No need to examine my teeth as if I were a horse, Jack. I've still got them all." Slowly I moved my hand to his jaw anyway to take a good look at his eyes. Yep, marks around his eyelashes. Fuckers. I could see in his eyes that he knew what I was looking for, and that I saw them. I let go.

"Any bleeding?" I watched him run his tongue around the inside of his mouth thoughtfully while I finished unlacing the boot. Wouldn't be convenient if we suddenly had to run, but I was counting on Teal'c and Carter.

"No," he said. "It was just needles, Jack. Little tiny needles. All the time."

"Anything in them?" I revised my opinion on the poisoning issue but I couldn't run any tox tests here in the field. I'd have to keep my eye on his color and pulse. What if something time-delayed hit him? We'd be screwed.

No, I told myself firmly. I have a happy little birthday-cake of an ambush set up here, and we are going to do it and get home. I mean it. Goddammit.

"I don't think so. I mean, they said there wasn't - I asked them."

"So what were they doing it for?" My knees wouldn't take kneeling - I sat down on the rock. "Carter?"

"About a hundred meters, sir," she near-whispered without turning around, knowing that the motion would catch their eye if she did. I knew what she was doing without turning around either, because we're both that good.

"Dandy, dandy," I said in a near-whisper myself, examining Daniel's feet.

The skin on the bottom of the feet, too, was swollen and puffy and, if you looked closely, spotted with blood. I debated dosing Daniel with antibiotics, but I saw no signs of infection as I poked around, not even under the toenails where I could see some tracks as if needles had indeed been pushed under there. Nasty bastards. I wished for a second that they would all start filing politely through the gully so we could politely shoot their asses dead. I'd let Frasier handle the antibiotics. "Hurt to walk?"

"A little."

I bet. "Not enough to mention during the little ten-mile hike we just took?"

Half a smile, and I began to feel a little better about Daniel's condition even as I was downgrading him in my head from "fine" to "marginal". The skin was a little moist. I hoped it was sweat and not fluid from puncture wounds.

"If you brought a car with you and just failed to mention it, Jack, I'm going to be annoyed."

"Anything else?" I said, surveying his jacket while I quickly ran my hands over his ankles then around his knees, through the BDUs. No swelling, seemed to have full range of motion. Knees were notoriously overused torture spots, but Daniel's seemed OK.

"Just some burns - small ones," he added quickly when he could feel me jump, "very small, very small."

"I'll decide what's small. What was the point of this, Daniel? Were they trying to get information out of you?"

He shook his head wearily - he really looked tired. "Just a game, Jack."

"What game?"

"It's what they use the captives for. It's like an art form with them. I guess you'd call it - personality adjustment."

"What, they tried to brainwash you?"

"They consider brainwashing primitive. They just wanted to see what they could change. For fun. Apparently it's a very time consuming hobby and they'd barely gotten started with me."

"Change what?"

Daniel shrugged again, took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "Whatever. They combine different types of negative stimulation to see what will take hold. For a while they staked me out in the desert - under a canopy, for Chrissakes, with all the water I could drink - just to see if heat bothered me."

I snorted. "Whatever you do, don't throw me into that briar patch."

He looked up at me and smiled at that one - yep, same old blue eyes. Didn't look different to me. "Yeah, I don't think they got quite the reaction they wanted from that one. So then they kept me in an igloo for a few days, and then they hung me off a cliff."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, I didn't like that. Again, it was perfectly safe. Harness and rope, holding me suspended, face down, maybe a thousand feet up. Watching me the whole time to make sure I didn't manage to grab the rope and climb up. Once they pretended to drop me. That was - I didn't like that. I think if they were looking for a phobia to give me, they might have gotten somewhere with the fear of heights thing, but they really didn't have the time."

"What about the needles?"

"I think they were just playing around. They'd try different stimuli - spiders plus needles, slime plus needles, ice plus needles - trying to see what got what kind of response."

"Charming people. I hope they all die a fiery death." I had finished putting Daniel's boots back on and I was a little worried that he just sat there and let me. In my head the number of active soldiers I had to call on went from three to two.

"Whites of their eyes, sir."

I slid up next to Carter on our cover rock. Yep, there they were, little buggers. If they'd have been strolling along, I'd have felt more kindly towards them. But they had their weapons out and at the ready. Fuckers.

And I had to decide whether or not to try Daniel's negotiating technique. Now. Before my sweet little ambush was blown.

"Teal'c, hold your fire," I breathed into the radio. I wouldn't give up Teal'c's position, but I had three shooters here. In a pinch.

"Daniel, what's 'run for your lives!'"

He looked confused. "Uh, laufte fro d'leebenz."

"Teal'c, I'm going to try to scare them off, let's see if they go for it." Because Daniel really wouldn't like it if I just slaughtered them right now in my carefully built little cage. And it wouldn't taste too good to me either, because these guys were from an outpost, not needle guys. Still probably not NICE guys...

I took a couple of deep breaths, then I screamed like someone had just ripped off my leg and was beating me with the wet end, fired a few shots straight up, then a couple over their heads, then screamed "LAUFTE FRO D'LEEBENZ!" at the top of my fucking lungs.

Stupid fuckers didn't break and run like I wanted them to. Instead they raised their weapons and the front two started firing in my general direction. The screams had really echoed, just like I wanted them to, and they didn't have a real good fix on us.

Okay, then. They didn't go for it.

I heard Teal'c's first shot. One down.

"And we're off, boys and girls." I shoved Daniel back under the outcropping and slid back up opposite to Carter even as she squeezed off two shots. One soldier crumpled, the other fell sideways and screamed. Gut shot. Huh.

"O'Neill. There were six of them, not four." That was Teal'c. He had the sun behind him where he sat, plus better eyesight, plus I hadn't even noticed. The soldiers were wheeling, but not in confusion. They had no cover; they moved into a 360-degree-formation, and they were firing at our location, forcing me and Carter to duck; they hadn't figured out where Teal'c was yet. Dammit. I didn't want them disciplined and fighting back. I wanted them confused, and then dead. Teal'c picked off another one. "Now there are two."

"Crap. Daniel. How many in a squad?"

"Four." Daniel's voice was also very quiet.

"Crap." I signaled Carter around to the far side of our protective rock, motioning her to pull down her hat. That blonde hair was just too visible. I slunk around the close side, and Carter and I could see down into the gully. My view wasn't perfect, but it would do, and our heads were at least three meters below where they were aiming. They squeezed off a few more warning shots, and I winced. Into the radio I said, "Last round, everybody. On three. One, two," and I took aim at the fellow closest to me. The light was fading in the gully as the sun went down - another reason I didn't want to drag this out any longer than I had to - but I could see part of his face. He looked furious. I couldn't see his eyes, but I aimed right between them, and as I said "three" I squeezed. He dropped, and so did his buddy. No time to pick targets, but Carter and Teal'c had each taken the target that I wanted them to take, the one that had seemed obvious from their position. Damn, we were good.

I would have liked to take time out for ice cream, but in my head the mission was getting downgraded from "piece of cake" to "a little too complicated for my taste." "Teal'c, there are two more of them somewhere." Crap. Go find them or hope they come find us? If they peeled off and went back to report our location, we were screwed - and they could probably get back to the citadel within a few hours, depending on how tired they were. If they came after us, Teal'c was in a worse position than we were - we had three shooters, he was alone. I'dve sent Carter over there with him if I hadn't been so sure that the one squad we saw when we crossed the first valley was the only pursuit we'd picked up. And we didn't know how far their baby radios went for sure. For all we knew, one of the scouts was on the ridge right now radioing our exact location.

Crap crap crap.

It was still a good twenty-five miles to the gate and I didn't think Daniel could do that right now. Maybe if he had to. I had to decide if he had to.

Shit. If I'd sent Carter with Teal'c I could have them go on the offensive while I stayed and guarded Daniel. I might even be able to cammy up the opening to the cave. Shit.

"Carter, can you get down and up this gorge without being seen and join Teal'c?"

"In this light?" She surveyed the rapidly increasing gloom. "Yes sir."

Was she right? She might be. She wasn't all good at stealth but she wasn't bad either, she wasn't big, there was a lot of cover except for the very middle of the gorge.

"Pull that hat down tight over your goddamn hair and cammy up."

She darkened her face, which was pale enough to practically glow. I'd do the same except I wasn't going out into the open. No, I was going to hide in the cave. I smeared up my face too, tossed the stick to Daniel, who followed suit.

Now what would the other guys do? If they were cocky, they would have sent one scout up each side of the ridge. But if they were cocky, would they have bothered sending out the scouts in the first place? They hadn't even known we were armed - we'd seen the fort, we knew they saw us, but unless they had telescopes they couldn't have seen our weapons. So they'd sent the scouts because they were cautious. So were they cautious enough to send them as a team? Or were they just sending the scouts ahead to try to cut us off farther down the gorge? Dammit, there were too many variables.

In my head I downgraded the mission from "complicated" to "on the verge of being a complete clusterfuck." Which side of the fucking gorge were the scouts on, and were they together?

"Carter, stay wide of the bodies."

"I'll have to check on my gut shot, sir."

I looked up over the rock. Carter did not like body cleanup. "I said stay wide."

"I'd like to see how many of them have radios, sir."

Fuck. She was right. Those radios were pretty damn advanced, for their culture. I guessed they spent a lot of time on needles and not much on electronics. Maybe they didn't all carry radios. That would be useful information to know.

"All right." I didn't have to tell her that the information wasn't worth her death. But I had to make a tough decision about whether or not we were relatively safe where we were, and I had to make it very close to now. That decision could make the difference between a complete clusterfuck and a walk through the park. "Stay in touch."

She nodded and moved out. I turned back to where Daniel was sitting under the outcropping.

"Hey Daniel, how's it going?"

He nodded once but didn't look up.

And then there was a shot.

To say he jumped would be an understatement. If he'd been a little thinner, his bones would have rattled. I didn't much care for it either, since I didn't know who'd just been shot at. But intended to secure Daniel if at all possible.

Grabbing him by the front of the BDU I half-lifted, half-shoved him back farther under the overhang. There was a practically smooth wall back there. I flattened him up against it by turning my back to him and crowding back. I had 180 degree coverage of our position, and assuming Carter was right that the cave farther back and to our left was bear-free, nothing dangerous would be coming from that direction. I checked every little while to make sure while I scanned the perimeter in front of us.

And I noticed that behind me, Daniel was shaking. No, he was trembling. What the hell?

"How did you test out on loud noises, there, Daniel?" I asked him under my breath. He snorted but didn't say anything. His right hand came up and rested on top of my right shoulder - holding my handgun. If he wanted to think he was helping, that was all right with me, as long as he didn't shoot my ear off. I wondered how deaf I would be if he actually fired the thing.

I was just thinking of asking for a sitrep when there were more gunshots - two, three, four, five, in quick succession. Son of a fucking bitch. Could be good, could be clusterfuck. "Carter?"

"That was my gut shot, sir," she said, sounding both disgusted and irritated. "He managed to hide in the rocks with a weapon but gave away his position without getting me. He's now down and out."

"Teal'c, can you see Carter?"

"I cannot."

"Carter, if Teal'c can't see you, I'd be willing to bet a quarter that the scouts can't see you either. If they haven't hightailed it out of here, they're looking, but they won't find if you stay out of sight like I know you can. So check for those radios and get up to Teal'c's position. Teal'c, you stay put till she gets there."

"Understood, O'Neill."

"Just give me a minute, sir."

Behind me Daniel was trembling so hard I thought he might fall down. I didn't know what was up with him but whatever it was he wasn't feeling good about it. Listening for a second, I thought I heard a sniffle. A sniffle? Was Daniel crying?

When a big strong grown man is crying in a battlefield, things are not going well.

Okay, let's look at this from his point of view. Description of needles being stuck into various parts of him had been delivered without a lot of details. Still, for the last few weeks, it had probably sucked to be Daniel. He might be going into shock. I needed to check his temperature again.

He was frightened.

I could tell.

So I didn't even think about it. I dug both my feet into the ground hard, and pushed Daniel's body back into the rock behind him with my body. He had 360 degree coverage. He wasn't going anywhere, and nothing was going to get to him.

"I'm not saying our situation here is a big bowl of Cherry Garcia, Daniel," I muttered to him, "but we're not that bad off. Might as well relax."

And I swear to God, he did. Jammed between me and the rock wall, I felt him relax all over. He shuddered once and practically went limp. His forehead thumped against my left shoulder even as his gun-holding hand on my right brushed my ear.

I shoved back hard, this time so we both wouldn't fall over; I had to keep us both braced. If someone came at me, I'd have to move and he'd fall, but that'd be the best possible outcome since then he'd be out of the line of fire.

And they might not even realize he wasn't dead because, I swear to God, Daniel had fallen asleep, slumped between me and the rock.

Sadly, a lot of his weight was resting on me, and I wouldn't be able to stay this way for ever. I considered waking Daniel up to explain the tactical advantage of alertness but instead I slid my weapon out of his right hand and holstered it

Huh, I thought. Wonder how long I can stand like this.

I waited what seemed only a short million years, then thumbed the radio.

"Carter? Still tiptoeing through the tulips?"

"Give me a second, sir."

"Take your time, there's no rush. Except that Daniel's condition is deteriorating and I just want to know if we're screwed, or just experiencing technical difficulties."

"Can you move from your position, O'Neill?"

"Maybe if I have to. I'm not sure I can take Daniel along."

Another short silence, then Carter hissing into her radio.

"Sir! One man has a radio on him. None of the others down here has one, and my gut shot didn't have one either. My guess is that this one with the radio is the captain. I doubt they had extra to give to the scouts."

"Any guesses as to whether or not the radio would be able to reach back to the citadel if they do have them?"

I could practically feel seconds ticking away but I didn't joggle Carter's elbow. She would give me her best information as quickly as she could.

"Colonel... Their radios are at least ten inches square, and the power supply is of extremely low voltage. I think they use vacuum tubes. This one was in the bottom of his pack. I think they use them to contact the forts when they're in range, but I very much doubt they would have given them to the scouts, and if the scouts do have them, I very much doubt they could reach the last fort, much less the citadel, with them."

"Nasty, nasty reception waiting for us back at the citadel if you're wrong, Carter," I warned her.

"How nasty?"

"According to Daniel, it includes needles in the eyelids."

"Is Daniel Jackson severely injured, O'Neill?" Teal'c chimed in.

"He says not. Still, like I just said, not fun. I haven't even been able to give him a full field exam. He may have injuries he didn't own up to before he essentially passed out."

"It is fifty-three kilometers to the gate."

"So I recall, Teal'c."

"It does not sound as though Daniel Jackson will be able to travel that distance tonight."

"Hey, you know what? If one of those scouts is sitting around in these rocks with one of those radios, and they happen to tune in to higher frequencies than Carter thinks, they don't need any more news about Daniel, is what I think. And hey, if you're out there, guys, burn in hell." Not that, according to Daniel, they understood any English. Still. It was the principle of the thing.

Well, decision time. When you gotta make it, you make it.

"Teal'c, Carter. When you join up, go offensive. See if you can track down and eliminate our troublesome scouty friends. If in four hours you have not eliminated them, rejoin us here." At which point we'll either dig in or move out, depending on how I'm feeling about things, I thought to myself.

"Understood, O'Neill."

"Wilco, sir."

Shit, fuck, and damn. I didn't like sending Teal'c and Carter on the offensive, but I thought it would actually be more secure. If they were moving and watching each other's backs, they'd be tougher to surprise. Daniel and I were pinned down.

So we better be damn hard to see.

It was close to total dark now, but there was moonlight and starlight both, plenty to see by if you were within twenty feet or so and had night vision that didn't suck. So...

I moved Daniel into the cave. There was plenty of room to stand up and walk in, but not to sling him over my shoulders. I turned around and drug him with hands under his armpits, and didn't care for the fact that it didn't wake him up.

Inside was a fairly level dirt bowl - perhaps bears, or the local equivalent, used to sleep here, that was fine with me as long as they didn't wander in tonight looking to get their bear motel back - where I could lay Daniel down. I had his jacket and T-shirt off very quickly, and cracked a couple of lightsticks.

Ouch. Oh Daniel.

The marks looked almost a rash, they were so small and tightly packed, but randomly placed. They were all over his chest and shoulders, and in the hollows of his arms. If they were burns, as he said, they might be from lasers, they were so small and precise. But the Shaikana didn't have anything close to laser technology.

I touched a small group of the marks on his chest and he shuddered in his sleep.

Okay, they didn't look life-threatening. I stripped off his boots, socks, then pants and underwear. It was cool, and I didn't want his temperature to drop any more, but I had to make sure he didn't have any more serious injuries hiding under the clothes, especially not anywhere near the groin or thighs where all those big veins and arteries can kill you in a few seconds when you finally let the pressure off a wound no one else even knew you had.

There were differently shaped small marks around the tip of his penis. Of course, the softest, most sensitive part. I couldn't tell if they were needle marks or burns, but I didn't feel the least, least bit bad for the six dead guys down in the gorge.

He looked a little thinner to me, too, but everyone looks thinner without their clothes on. He'd said he wasn't dehydrated, so... In another couple of hours I'd give him the other half liter, and if he didn't want to pee within an hour after that, I'd really start forcing fluids.

Daniel, you stupid macho son of a bitch, I thought as I wrestled him back into his clothes. You're a mess, and you just hiked ten miles with us after we sneaked you out of that... castle-type thing you were in. If I'd have known you had this kind of masochistic streak to you, I'd have stripped and searched you before we left the citadel. Moron. Next time I'll have Carter do it. The embarassment alone will probably kill you.

He still wasn't awake, and I really didn't like that. I couldn't find any marks on his head and he'd reported nothing like a concussion, but he was sure as hell out.

I took out my flashlight, checked his pupils.

He started again when the light flashed in one of his eyes, and he opened both of them, but blinked as though he could barely keep them open. He raised a hand and pushed at my chest as though pushing me away.

"Please," he croaked, and - Jesus - tears leaked out through his swollen red eyelids. "Please let me sleep. I'll be very still, I promise. Just let me get a little sleep. I'm so tired, and you never let me sleep."

Ah. Sleep deprivation. He hadn't mentioned that either. Sure as fuck sounds like brainwashing, even if they considered brainwashing low-class out here. "Daniel, it's Jack. Jack."

"... Yeah." He raised one hand over his eyes, stopped pushing at me with the other but left it where it was. "Yeah, I knew that. Jack. Do we have time for me to sleep a little?"

"We do, buddy. Sleep for a couple of hours."

And just like flipping a switch, that was it, he was out again. I still didn't like it, but I didn't think he was in medical danger, and if he passed out on the rest of the hike, we'd have to carry him. And that would slow us down quite a bit.

I took a thermal blanket out of my pack and spread it over him, borrowing his jacket. You could still see twenty feet out there, and using our jackets rubbed in the dirt I intended to make the little entrance to our cave invisible from five.

---

It was almost four hours later and I figured it'd be another twenty minutes before Carter and Teal'c checked in. I was starting to feel just a little bit sleepy, but nothing big. I could stay awake for another forty-eight hours if I really needed to, longer with naps. I had placed myself far enough from the door to the cave that my presence wouldn't necessarily lead the eye to it, but close enough that a scorpion couldn't have gotten in there without me knowing about it.

Poor Daniel. If he'd had special ops training he'd have learned how to deal with sleep deprivation, how to steal catnaps that went straight into REM sleep, how to wake up so fast no one would ever believe you'd been sleeping. I made a mental note to talk to Hammond about this when we got back. I mean, yes, everyone on the team was already chock-a-block with special skills, but some of that training could come in handy if the locals were less than friendly - and the locals were often less than friendly.

"Sir," Carter had just barely breathed into the radio.

"Carter," I said immediately but quietly.

"We've located one of the scouts. Teal'c is moving into position on his opposite side."

Yup. They were going to take him out. That was just ducky with me. I could use twenty minutes of sleep without having to keep my eyes peeled.

"The other one?" I muttered.

"Not yet."

"Could be a trap."

"We hope so, sir."

Good. They were going to spring the trap, but, knowing that it was a trap, they'd get the guy who was hiding as well as the one who was out in the open. I liked the theory.

"Good luck."

It wasn't five minutes later that I heard a shot, echoing down the little rock-lined gully -

- and from inside the cave Daniel screamed.

I mean screamed, and I moved so fast I could have sworn I was inside the cave within nanoseconds.

Daniel was curled up in a ball, the thermal blanket falling off him. The dim greenish light cast by the lightsticks made him look like a corpse, but only his hands, because he had his arms wrapped around his head.

Another shot - and he screamed again.

Okay, aside from the fact that he was advertising our position, that scream was a really horrible sound and I didn't like Daniel making it. He wasn't hurt, which meant he was scared.

That was fine with me. Bullets weren't really Daniel's cup of tea even when he was on top of his game. Having them whizzing around nearby was bound to make anyone tense. And Daniel, despite his relatively good physical condition, was really not in good shape.

And he needed to shut up.

"Daniel!" I hissed at him and leaned over him.

That was my tactical error, because his fist shot out and caught me just under the chin. I was lucky I didn't bite my tongue off. He did snap my head back pretty good.

Okay. Not good as such.

"DANIEL!" I said it again, in what I hoped was close to my normal voice, right in his ear. "It's Jack. Jack."

And because it had worked so well outside, I lay down on him, settling my whole body right on top of his and trying to increase gravity by thinking real hard about it. It works well with hysteria, and it seemed to work on Daniel. Once again he went as limp as overcooked spaghetti, but he wrapped his arms around my neck with a grip like a pro wrestler and showed no signs of letting go.

Clearly, he had not had enough sleep yet.

"Situation?" I whispered into my radio, and, wrapping my arms around Daniel, I rolled us on to our sides so I could shuffle us around to where I had my head towards the door. Then I plopped down on him again. No need to be too gentle, I thought to myself as I rubbed my jaw.

"I believe we have eliminated the last two soldiers," Teal'c reported in a tone that didn't bother to stay quiet.

"I am going to buy two dogs and name them after you two," I told the radio.

"Sir, if you did that it would just be so that you could bark our names and have someone bark in return," Carter said.

"I do love barking." Now I had to consider how paranoid I wanted to be. If the soldiers in question had radioed the citadel before they'd left the fort, they could have called backup - there could be another squad out there in the rocks, or more.

But we hadn't seen any sign of them for the last four hours. If they were concealed, they were so well concealed that neither Teal'c nor Carter could find them in the dark. That meant they were also so well concealed that they couldn't find us and shoot us.

More importantly, these guys didn't seem to think tactically involving radio communications. I didn't see them being at the point where they thought to themselves, hey, let's phone home, let them know what's going on and where we are and send a few more guys to the party.

Given an enemy as smart and determined as we are, they will find a way to kill us. This is not that enemy.

"Okay," I said into the radio, still lying flat out on Daniel who had his arms locked around my neck. "Where are you?"

"Approximately a hundred meters from my original position," Teal'c told me.

"Come back here but keep your eyes open. I want a guard above this cave, maybe ten meters, and I want someone outside. How are you holding up?"

"I'm not even sleepy, sir."

"I do not require rest, O'Neill."

"Good, 'cause I'm beat. Let me know when you're in position, and then I'll grab an hour's sleep."

"We'll be in your neighborhood in twenty minutes," said Carter, and I heard the sound of the radio clicking off.

Okay.

Now to deal with Daniel clinging to my neck.

"Hey. Daniel. Daaaannnieeellll. You awake?"

"Yeah," he mumbled into my shoulder. Lying. Good. I can deal with lying. Much better than punching me in the jaw.

"You're lying."

"Yeah..." But he released the stranglehold on my neck, and I breathed a little easier.

When I started to roll off him, though, he grabbed my arm. "I'm cold."

"I know. Can't do much about that, Doctor Jackson." I fished out the thermometer, slapped it on his forehead again. "You... have a temperature that's dropping. Fuck. Are you going into shock on me, Daniel?"

"Nah." He didn't open his eyes but he did shake his head.

"I think you're still lying." I pulled another thermal blanket out of the thigh pocket of my pants and unfolded it. "Drink the rest of this water and I'll try to fix the cold." He nodded.

Huh. How to get him up so he could drink?

I thought about kneeling, gave it up for a bad job, then stood with one foot on either side of his hips and grabbed him by the collar and pulled. Easiest way to lever him up. "Drink up," and I put the water bottle in his hands. He did, too.

"Good. I like it when you do what I tell you for a change."

He didn't laugh but he did flip me the bird and I felt a hundred percent better.

I laid him back down carefully, then laid down next to him. "I'll try to share some body heat with ya, but I can't make any promises."

And then - this is true - he started to cry again.

"Daniel? What's wrong?"

"Huh?" He rubbed his eyes again, opened them, looked at me. "What?"

"What's wrong? You're crying."

"Am I?" He looked blearily around him. "We're in a cave?"

"Yep, all night tonight. Daniel. What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"I don't feel so good, Jack."

"I know you don't. That's okay. You got hurt, do you remember?"

"Getting hurt?" He seemed to be thinking about it. "I hurt right now."

"I know, but no one is hurting you now."

"Everything hurts. Everything everywhere hurts..."

"Daniel. Why didn't you say so before?" DUH, I thought to myself as I whipped out my travelling pharmacy and had painkillers in his mouth before you could say Demerol. "Chew 'em up. Tastes like Flintstones Chewable Vitamins, I swear."

I could hear him chewing, then he was still for a while. When he reached out a hand in my direction, I thought that was an encouraging sign; but when I took it, I could feel that he was trembling again.

"Jesus, Daniel, what is up with you?" The fact that he couldn't tell me what was wrong was really starting to scare me. He had to have been drugged, and now I wondered, just a few seconds too late, if I shouldn't have given him the painkillers. How would they react to whatever he'd already taken?

I still had to have half an eye on the door.

"Okay, champ, we're going to move over a little." I shuffled my butt towards the wall so I could lean back on it and pulled Daniel back next to me. He was a growing boy and I was going to feel it in the morning, I could tell, all this shoving Daniel around. I scooted up till his head rested on my shoulder, and tucked the thermal blankets around his far side but kept him pulled up against me. "There, buddy. That's all the body heat I'll be able to spare."

"I'm cold," he said, and latching his hand in the collar of my shirt PULLED me half-across his lap.

"Okay, look, are you sick or not sick? 'Cause I feel like if you're sick you should lie still and take it a little easier on me, okay?" I was feeling more than a little disgruntled about being pushed and pulled around like a Raggedy Andy doll. Well, maybe he was too.

Then the paranoid guy I keep in the back of my head wondered if Daniel HAD been brainwashed, and if, perhaps, he might do something unsociable and nasty, say with a gun, when I fell asleep, or worse, when he got back to the SGC.

That's the reason not to become a military officer, right there. The fact that you have to have those types of paranoid thoughts. That's your job. Helluva job, huh?

But I also had to keep my weapons till Teal'c and Carter took up guard duty.

I'd had a lot of better days.

Now that I was basically lying on top of Daniel again, he was, once again, out like a light. I thought of waking him up again to tell him that he was the wierdest sleepover I'd ever had, but I figured I'd save it.

Fortunately it wasn't much longer before I heard that blessed, blessed click over the radio.

"We are in position, sir."

And then Teal'c, the whole big beautiful muscle mass of him, slid through my makeshift door cover. I would have hugged him but I was busy lying on top of Daniel, which I indicated by waving my arms around. He seemed to get the picture.

"Daniel Jackson is not well."

"No, Daniel Jackson is pretty freaking far from well, but I think if we can get him a little sleep, he'll get to the gate on his own two feet and he'll be fine. Take my weapons, would you, Teal'c? I'm not feeling real cheerful about what Daniel might do with them if he wakes up. He might be completely fine, or he might think they're breakfast sausages, do you know what I'm saying?"

"I... believe so. I will take the P-90. I think you should have at least one weapon remaining within your reach."

"Fine. The handgun I can strap in." I holstered it and felt two hundred percent better. "Can I have two whole hours of sleep, mommy? Please?"

"It is not late, O'Neill. It is just past twenty-three hundred hours."

"I'm old. And I'm tired. Cut me some slack."

I swear the bastard was grinning as he went back out the door. "I will call you for guard duty in two hours, O'Neill."

"Love you too, Teal'c."

So I went to sleep, right there, sprawled across Daniel's chest, and I assure you I did not go to sleep so deeply that it should have surprised me when I woke up - internal clock said it was only about an hour later - and Daniel had wrapped another arm around my neck.

Now before, from the front, that was fine. But from the back, when someone wraps an arm around your neck, it feels like they're trying to strangle you, and that's hard to sleep through.

And that's when things started to get worse.

Apparently it was the semi-strangling that woke me up, but once I was awake, what really worried me was the nuzzling.

Not that it was really nuzzling. Sort of. Daniel was rubbing his face against -- well, the back of my head, the side of my neck, and the top of my shoulder - everything it would reach.

I wondered if he was marking me or something. I used to have a cat that did that.

"Daniel," I said.

"Mmm," he said. "Jack."

"Yep, it's Jack. Do you remember Jack? Bristling with guns Jack, flying planes Jack, giving you orders Jack?"

"Mmmmm.... keep talking."

"Why? You aren't listening." As God is my witness, I wasn't sure what I should do. If this was Daniel's assassin programming kicking in, was he trying to nuzzle me to death?

It was wierd, because when I say nuzzle, that sounds soft and cuddly, and this wasn't soft and cuddly. There was an urgency to it. I could feel Daniel's muscles tensed up around me.

"Painkillers kick in?"

"Oh God," said Daniel. "You have no idea what it feels like, Jack. When it's hurting all the time, every minute, for a million years, and then it stops..."

"Yeah, I know what that feels like. Feels good, I know." I patted the arm he had wrapped around my neck reassuringly.

"Everything feels good. I feel good, you feel good..." He went back to nuzzling, and the last thing he said was, "Keep talking..."

And then Daniel started to move.

The nuzzling thing he was doing with his head - he started doing it with, well, everything. His arms went around my chest - which was a relief, since I was happy to get them away from my windpipe - but they started to stroke up and down and around my chest. He crushed me back on to his chest. Then his legs moved and I felt -

"Whoa, there, Daniel. You awake?" I knew _I_ was awake, as I was not used to having erections rubbed against my ass. This alerted me right up. And - well, not scared me, but worried me, because Daniel was clearly still not himself.

Then Daniel pushed, slid and rolled in a maneuver I wished he would remember during combat training and ended up lying flat on the floor again - as flat as one can be in a rocky bear-bed, and I hoped he didn't hurt himself on the rocks - with me pulled over top of him, which for some reason was the most important thing in the world to him. He moaned as if something really good was happening to him, and judging by the condition of his hard-on, it was.

I started to worry some more.

I couldn't quite tell if he was asleep or awake. Maybe he couldn't either. His eyes weren't open, but his mouth was, and he suddenly - well, I don't know exactly what words apply, but he was shoving himself against me so hard that it seemed as if he wanted to go through me.

It was the little frown between his eyebrows that got to me, wrapped up the worry and the paranoid man in the back of my head and all my commander's instincts and pushed them into a big ball of Okay Then. I didn't know what was going on, but Daniel wasn't trying to hurt me. I could get up and leave him there, but that didn't seem like the right thing to do, especially when he was holding on to me so hard.

So I braced an arm and tried to take some of my weight off him - however much he wanted it, he still had to breathe - and I put my mouth close to his ear so Teal'c couldn't hear and I said "It's okay, Daniel. You're okay now. I promise. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

He sighed -- a funny little, luxurious little sigh, like you do when you settle down with the beer you've been wanting all night -- and he did something with his hips that I think I saw a dancer in Vegas do once. But she was wearing a lot of sparkly stones, and she was a girl, or at least she was shaped like a girl. Daniel was shaped like a sizable and muscular man, so the sensation was, to say the least, odd. And he was definitely putting the action on a part of his body that was --

Well, I got much more familiar with it a few seconds later when he grabbed my hand and shoved it into his crotch.

"Umm," he breathed into my ear, and I put my brain into the place where things happen and you keep your eyes and ears open but you don't step in front of the train. I didn't intend to help him, but all Daniel seemed to need was that I was there. He strained himself against me, he pulled my chest against his, he buried his nose in my neck and breathed in, then out in a gust of warm air. The little moaning noises he was making almost broke my heart, he sounded so happy and so needy all at the same time.

"Daniel," I said again, very softly, and started, just started to tense the muscles in my back and arms to move off a little, but he clenched and threatened to turn it into a real wrestling contest, so I let him keep me where he wanted me.

And meanwhile his hand over my hand was trapped in between us, rubbing the length of his cock through the camo fabric. I winced when I thought of the red marks. "Daniel, I don't want you to hurt yourself --"

But I guess it wasn't hurting him, because he started to breathe faster and faster, suddenly, like a lot more suddenly than I would have suspected, and the noises he was making started to get louder, too. He was still doing that thing with his hips that strippers make a lot of money doing and he clenched his fist over mine and then wham, because he's got his mouth right next to my ear, he's not just nuzzling it, he's licking it.

And that is a peculiar and, I must also add, electric sensation, and I feel the whole situation slide just that much closer to the Twilight Zone when I feel blood rushing to a certain part of my own anatomy that I have no intention of involving in the wierdness. But it's involuntary, which last I checked means that you can't help it. It happens all the time, you learn to ignore it. Fortunately, Daniel ignored it too.

But then he started to tremble again and the noises he was making were getting louder and I realized he's going to come and he's going to yell and when he does Teal'c is going to be in here finding out what the yelling is about in just under one second which is not going to be enough to sort out this position in which we find ourselves. I didn't have any hands free, because I was leaning on one and he had one trapped between us. So right before he came, as he started to let out this groan as if he hadn't had an orgasm in twenty years and he couldn't wait for this one, I put my mouth over his and I kissed him.

It's the kind of tactical decision I make all the time.

And it's a moment that will definitely stick with me, and it's one of those moments you see from outside your own head as if you were watching someone else and the picture's fixed forever in your memory along with that split second realization of 'Oh. That's what was happening' and the sensation of 'That didn't really happen, did it?'. Daniel writhing under me, his hand holding my hand against his dick through his clothes and all his muscles straining up towards me, shaking, coming, while I lie across his chest holding him down and kissing him to keep his moans of pleasure from escaping out of the cave to where someone else on the team might hear him coming, coming so hard that we're both shaking because he's shaking so hard and I can't wait until he starts breathing again. Oh good, he did. And I let his mouth go.

And he relaxed, he did - how could he not have, after that? - and as he sighed and sank back onto the ground all I could think is My poor Daniel. And I stroked his hair away from his face, which was flushed, and I said Daniel and he relaxed bonelessly into the ground and I rolled off him but just to the side where I threw my leg over his and an arm across his chest because I did get it, I'm not stupid, he wanted the weight and he wanted the contact and I could give him those so I did. And his breathing slowed and I thought for the first time - yes, the first time that whole mission - that we could be in big, big trouble.

There are damn few homophobes in foxholes, for the same reason that there are few diehard atheists. It's hard to kill and die and not get pretty close to what a person really feels and really believes. The soldier you want to fight with and die with is the soldier who wil give you what you need at the moment when it really matters, whether that's a prayer or a kiss. If Daniel had told me out loud he was frightened and asked me to hold his hand - wherever he'd put it - I would have. Because he's not just a fellow soldier, he's under my command. He could have my last drop of blood and I'd be happy to give it.

But this behavior was, to use the words out of the training manuals, highly atypical. Extremely atypical behavior was likely to indicate a serious problem. Even if it wasn't a serious problem - which I was hoping in a mighty big way - then this particular atypical behavior was going to cause a lot of problems for Daniel if news of it got around. That's what the combat computer in the back of my brain had been telling me when I kissed him. It was instinctual - don't let Teal'c hear the noise. I wondered what I was worried about, then decided that with any luck, any luck at all, there'd be time to find out.

I could still sleep for half an hour before Teal'c called me for guard.

I remember the hike to the gate but it was as if I was watching myself do it. When I woke up later, I remembered hitting the ramp back at SGC much more as if it were real than the hike that went before it. We hit the ramp, and I remember hearing Jack call for a medic, which I remember I thought was odd, because none of us was hurt, after all.

Then I was walking with a burly orderly under my arm and I realized he'd replaced Jack, which was how I realized I must have been leaning on Jack. It wasn't that I'd forgotten; I just hadn't noticed.

I didn't want to go with the orderly and had to think why. Oh yes, I realized, I've got come all over me. That's odd, I thought to myself, but couldn't organize the words to clear up the confusion I felt.

But Jack was there again, right next to my free arm, and he said, "Go ahead, Daniel. Frasier won't let you down."

I could see him nodding reassuringly so I figured, sure, okay.

---

I slept for a long time after that, a really long time.

And every once in a while I woke up and some nurse took me to pee and gave me water and it was wonderful, wonderful.

And when I asked her to turn off the light by my bed, she did. Bliss.

---

After a while, though - I don't know how long it was, I couldn't see the clock and I didn't know where my glasses were and I didn't care - I woke up and stayed awake for a couple of hours. And I found I had plenty to think about.

I was a little fuzzy on some of the details, but I had been quite awake when they broke me out of the Shiakana's palace. I had never been so happy to see BDUs in my life. Putting on the boots was agony - hell, putting on the underwear was agony - but I didn't care because I was going home.

When we stopped, though, I began to run out of steam. I didn't see the point in discussing it, because if we had to, I would. But I was awfully, awfully tired, so tired that I felt like just bursting into tears while I sat there on the ground letting my head hang down and reminding myself every second not to drop the gun.

And I was awfully afraid I might need to get up again and I was afraid I couldn't.

It's a funny thing about skin. You really don't know how much of it you have until it hurts. Every time my heart beat, it throbbed. All over.

Then there were shots, and every time there was a shot, I was afraid - I know this sounds stupid, but I was afraid that they were just going to walk up to me and shoot me and there wouldn't be a damn thing I could do about it because I was just so tired. And I had the gun in my hand. I could have just lifted it up and shot them back - shot them back first - except that I knew I couldn't. If it came to that, I couldn't.

And whenever I closed my eyes, I would start to drift off to sleep, and that falling sensation you get - you know, when you're falling asleep - would make me think I was falling off that cliff, falling off that rope, and then I would be afraid I was going to hit, and that would wake me back up again.

That sucked.

I was afraid that I'd never sleep again - and it's amazing how quick never comes.

See, when I was tied down and they were sticking the needles in me, I could yell and scream and cry and it didn't really bother me, because that seemed, you know, appropriate under the circumstances.

But when I was alone in the cell trying to find a way to sit or lay or stand that didn't hurt, and there was no way to move or to stay still that didn't hurt, it occured to me that I was going to die there, alone in that room, in a pain I didn't understand - because after a while the pain spreads and you lose track of where it started and you begin to wonder if maybe it isn't something serious after all because even when it wasn't supposed to be, it never stops, and you can't sleep and you can't lie still or walk or sit or move without it hurting and you begin to wonder if maybe you aren't dying a little bit. And thinking about dying alone from the pain makes you so - well, it's discouraging. That's really what it is.

So when I was sitting there and those gunshots - they just made me jump, every time, must have been nerves - I was thinking that I guess I hadn't died alone in that room from the pain but now I might die from getting shot, and that was so discouraging that I couldn't help crying a little. I know I did.

Thinking back now, I should have had faith in Sam and Jack and Teal'c. I should have. I did, actually. It was just that it was hard to remember I wasn't alone in the room any more. I mean - no, that's not right, it wasn't that it was hard to remember, because of course it was perfectly plain and I knew it. But knowing's not like believing.

So then I guess I was in the way because Jack pulled me back up onto my feet and under the rock ledge. That made sense, because there wouldn't have been room for both of us to get under if we were sitting, I think, but it started my feet throbbing again and I really was so tired.

I think I was being a big baby.

Then Jack shoved back against me for some reason and that was --

Well, the thing was, it was very comforting to feel sort of... contained, I think the word is.

If there's one way to remember you're not hanging off a cliff at the end of a rope, it's to feel body heat. There's really nothing else like it. And Jack - well, Jack is kind of hard, even bony in places, like the, uh, shoulder blades and such. Elbows. And in between the bony is pretty hard muscle. So it felt very solid. Very solid.

And then when he told me to relax... Well, I felt like I could. Like maybe I was locked up in a warm box I wouldn't fall out of. Where I could sleep.

So I did.

Deep asleep, without dreaming.

So deep asleep that that thing happened to me where, you know, you wake up and it seems like no time has passed at all, and you're wondering where you are and how you got there. I did wake up when Jack shone this light in my eyes and it seemed like just a few minutes later - maybe it was - and I knew I was being a problem but I just had to ask him if I could sleep for a little while. I knew if he needed me awake, Jack would tell me. He said I could sleep. So I did.

But then again, just a few minutes later, something else woke me up - something loud. Must have been more gunshots. And I know I didn't do the right thing in that kind of situation, but I was so... well, furious is the right word, I guess; I wanted to sleep more than I had ever wanted anything in my whole life - I was furious, and I thought I started yelling at whoever it was to just shut the fuck up. Maybe it didn't make as much sense outside my head as it did inside my head, but I was screaming at them, that was for sure. Fucking, fucking bastards.

And then they tried to touch me, and I hit one.

But I must have been dreaming that part, even though it didn't really feel the same as dreaming, because it was Jack whose voice I heard next, and I just grabbed on to him because if he needed me to get up and walk, I would have to. I knew he wouldn't leave me - I mean I guess I did. Of course. But I wanted to make sure.

Plus he was hard and warm and that was really nice. Like a box. Before the sides fall out.

He asked me why I was crying, I think - and that was irritating, because I was thinking, hey, isn't it obvious? And then I mentioned that I still hurt, because I did. I wanted to sleep some more, that deep sleep where you don't notice the pain, and I thought that if I made that clear he might let me sleep a little longer. I really needed the deep kind of sleep. Anything lighter wouldn't do it. Pain can really keep you awake.

And that's when he gave me the painkillers. Which is how I know I wasn't as alert as I thought I was, because why hadn't I asked for them before? I mean, I knew he had them. We always have them. Honestly, I'd never even thought of painkillers. I guess I was so used to the pain I'd forgotten that anything might be able to make it go away for even a little while. I was focused on sleep, not getting rid of the pain. My brain wasn't making the connection.

But some part of my brain did connect Jack with two things: being warm and solid, and my way out. I knew if he got up and left he wouldn't leave me behind, but I had to be sure, so I kept hold of him, just to be sure, and told myself not to let go even if I fell asleep.

Which I did.

Not as long as I wanted, but the good, deep sleep.

I don't think I was dreaming the next time I woke up, but...

How I can explain this?

When you've - okay, I. I had been dealing with the pain so long it had become like my job, like my clothes, like my skin. It was everywhere all day long and all I could do was try to figure out how to manage it and still keep walking and talking and eating and all that sort of thing. So when it was gone...

When it was gone...

I'm not sure why I woke up again. I certainly did want more sleep. I think some part of my brain noticed that I didn't hurt any more, and that scared me, because maybe I was dead? So that part of my brain woke up the rest of my brain just to check.

But no, I wasn't dead.

I imagine angels floating in heaven must feel like I felt when the pain went away. If they feel anything, they feel like that.

That might sound like a stupid description of the absence of something. But there's no better one.

It was so... delicious, so... beautiful, really, isn't too strong a word, that I really did have a hard time remembering where I was. I couldn't be where I was when I was hurting so badly. Must be somewhere else.

It felt so good.

And I felt like I could feel every molecule of existence pushing up against me and none of them hurt, and that was even better.

What I had in my hands was pieces of warm hard body, bony in odd places - oh yeah, it was Jack. And he felt - glorious. And he smelled even better. Even his hair tasted good. Every inch of him that I could touch or taste or smell proved that I wasn't dead, and I wasn't in pain, and that, frankly, seemed like a miracle to me.

I was even more surprised than happy.

And I felt good. I'd forgotten that my skin, any part of me really, could feel anything but horrible. I could feel my heart beating, but my hands and feet weren't throbbing any more. My eyes still felt scratchy and swollen so I kept them shut. But I couldn't have stopped myself from gorging on all that wonderful feeling any more than a starving man could have stayed away from food.

And some part of my brain - maybe deep down in the amygdala, I'll have to ask Sam - there was some animal part of me that turned all that wonderful sensation into something, uh... well, I guess it sent the blood that started filling me up, and that hurt a little but it felt wonderful too, and I...

Okay, here's the thing. Jack felt really, really good.

I liked the feeling of his weight on top of me, pushing me down. I'm sure there's a thousand reasons why, but none of the whys were occurring to me then. Just the feeling.

And then aside from the smell and the taste and the feeling, there was the sound.

When he talked, I could feel his voice, rumbling down in his chest, like it was in my chest. I didn't care what he was saying, I just liked the feeling and the sound. It was like... Well, to be honest, it was like being dipped in warm honey. It felt sweet, excruciatingly sweet. And that feeling went ... straight to my blood too. It felt like balm on every inch of sore skin.

Looking back on it...

I'm pretty sure...

I've been thinking...

Anyway, it felt beyond fantastic. It felt great, and for some reason Jack just lay there and let me ... do what I wanted to do.

It wasn't till much, much, much later when I was in the infirmary, catching up on my sleep and soaking up precious, precious painkillers that I started to wonder a little bit about myself.

I mean, I have never been the most self-aware of guys. Not just about little things - I leave myself sticky notes on the door so I'll remember what to take out of the house when I leave in the morning - but also about the important things.

I guess what I'm working my way around to saying is, the best thing about my wife was that she didn't make me figure anything out, and that was good, because I've never been good at figuring things out. Obviously, verb declensions, yes, and that sort of thing. I mean, about people. Or about, uh, me.

So it occurred to me that maybe this was kind of like a, well, I don't really want to say it but I guess I will, kind of like a sticky note to myself.

When I thought back on it later, lying in the infirmary, and I thought about that sensation of floating, without the pain, and then Jack being warm and hard next to me, on top of me, the smell of his hair in my nose - well, it got me hard all over again.

Which seemed odd. But also significant.

And I thought to myself: Daniel, if this were a beautiful woman, with soft round breasts and a springy cloud of hair, short enough to fit just right under your shoulder, what would you think?

And I said to myself: I would think maybe I had... maybe I was...

It's tough to figure out.

I had visited a few times when Daniel was asleep, but today Daniel was awake.

"Hey! That's a new look for you. The eyes open thing."

I smiled as Daniel turned to look at me.

"Hey. Good to see you." Daniel put out a hand automatically and I took it.

"Nice to be seen."

He just lay there, staring at me.

"Can you see? Where are your glasses?"

"Somewhere over there."

I used the excuse to disentangle our hands and fetch his glasses.

"What, aren't you feeling up to reading yet?" I said as I handed them over.

"Yeah, I do, I could, I guess. I haven't felt like it."

"You're entitled to a few days off."

"Well thanks. Not that anybody's asking you." He quirked half a grin.

Well, yes, they were asking me, Daniel. "Seriously, you feeling yourself again?"

He looked at me again, and he got that little crink in between his eyebrows, like he was studying something. Apparently, I had broken out in Egyptian hieroglyphics all over my face.

"Okay... You wanna talk about it?"

He nodded.

"Fine. Just a second."

I found Frasier just outside the room. "Hey, Doc. Uh... Any recording devices in Daniel's room?"

She looked up at me as if she, too, was wondering what the hieroglyphics all over my face said. She thought about it for a second, then did something at her computer.

"I've decided to run the scheduled self-diagnostics a little early today, Colonel. Since Daniel's the only patient and he's really in no danger. That puts them out of commission for about ten minutes."

"That answers my question."

"You want me to leave?"

"Nope. Keep your eyes open, would you?"

She smiled. "I always do."

So I went back to Daniel's bed, leaving the door open.

He reached out for my hand again. This time I hestitated for a minute, but I let him have it.

And he didn't just take it, he slid his fingers through mine and pulled it up to his face. Before I realized what he was doing, he'd kissed the back of my hand. Then he settled it under his cheek, as if he meant to keep it.

Uh oh.

And he was still looking at me, with those blue eyes, with a very serious expression in those blue eyes.

What to say, what to say, what to say...

I had to head this off at the pass.

He beat me to it.

"Thanks, Jack."

"You're welcome, Daniel. Any time."

And dammit, he smiled. "Any time?"

But he wasn't going to get me that way. "I meant saving your life, Doctor Jackson."

"Oh." He nodded, still smiling. "I didn't."

Dammit, I know you didn't. I needed more time to figure out a smoother way to ask 'What's a dry hump between friends?'

"Hey," I said, taking my hand back to riffle through my pockets, "the guys in translation sent you a new toy." I handed him the little metal box. "Wait, uh... there's some earphones..."

He looked at it. "It's an iPod."

"It's a new digital recorder. For your notes. Works just like the old one, but it's smaller. And of course it's army issue, so if you roll over it with a tank, it'll be fine. The kid who gave it to me, uh, Moyer, he said he put some mp3s on it to keep you entertained."

"It's an iPod."

"It's a government-issue digital recorder, Daniel. It probably cost ten thousand bucks. Believe me, it's not an iPod."

"Thanks. I'll check it out." But he wasn't looking at it, he was looking at me.

I shook my head no at him.

"Whatever you're thinking, Daniel, it's time to stop thinking it."

"Why? Because it's wrong?" he asked with a funny emphasis, and if I didn't know better I'd have thought he was trying to yank my chain.

"No, because it's incorrect."

"Maybe..." He got that puzzled look again, and I knew he really was thinking. And that was my biggest clue.

See, when you really fall in love with someone, you don't have to think that hard.

"You had a rough time. You're going to get over it. Stop thinking so much."

"Well, that's not as easy for some of us as it is for you, Jack, but I'll try," and he nodded so seriously I knew he was putting me on.

"Sarcastic little bastard," I muttered at him, but I smiled and waved as I left.

I didn't touch him again. Time to go on touching rations with Dr. Jackson.

It was very clear to me now. I didn't know how I had missed it, but those were the kind of tactical mistakes that can lose you a good soldier.

See, everyone has a different relationship to ..., well, I was thinking about touching, but I really meant love. All kinds of love. Some people need it more than others; some people need different kinds of love more than others.

The sex, the touching, the trust, the excitement, the roller coaster, the confidence - everyone gets something different out of love, well, all the time.

And some people are better at getting what they need than others.

Sam, for instance. Sam was, if nothing else, able to get what she needed when she needed it. She looked out for herself. Teal'c was kind of like that, though Teal'c had to be the least needy person I ever met. Something about being jaffa, I felt sure, not just being Teal'c.

But Daniel was not like that, and I should have noticed. No one with lips like that can go forever without being kissed. It had been a long time since his wife, and Kira just primed the pump. I already knew that Daniel would not necessarily sleep when he needed to, though he was slightly more reliable about eating. Apparently he also didn't notice when he was hungry for someone else until he was way gone with needing it.

And then, in a vulnerable situation, boom.

Dammit.

This was not good.

I stopped by Frasier's desk on the way out. "See any of that?"

"Just a bit." She looked at me. "I was about to clear Daniel for return to active duty."

"I'd say to get him out of the infirmary. He doesn't need to spend any more time lying around thinking. But not active duty. Not yet."

She nodded. She was a pro. She knew the score.

"Uh, Doctor... No sign of any type of drugs in Daniel's system?"

"None, Colonel."

Great. Then he was making this up all by his own self. Dandy. "And you think he's himself again?"

"I'm not a psychologist, Colonel. Do you think we need one?"

"Maybe. Not yet. I meant... this is our Daniel, right? No Goa'ulds in him, no alternate universe Daniel, nothing like that?"

"Not to the best of my knowledge, Colonel."

"Yeah." I waved as I left. "I was afraid of that."

---

I got email from Daniel the next day.

The guy didn't waste a lot of time.

The mail just said "These audio files are very easy to edit in this format."

The attachment was a song fragment, cut out of, I presume, something Moyer gave him. Subtle, Daniel. Real subtle.

You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death and from my heart
Strange that you were strong enough
To even make a start
You'll never find peace of mind
Till you listen to your heart.

Dandy. Now I was being courted with mp3s.

In my head I officially downgraded the previous mission from "a little too complicated for my taste" to "complete clusterfuck."

Sometimes you don't know till all the casualties are in.

---

"Moyer!"

The little guy jumped when I barked at him. Must not have heard me come in.

"What did you put on that thing you sent Dr. Jackson?"

He looked pretty confused, but I didn't have time for that.

"Uh, just whatever I had lying around the desk. We weren't sure how long he'd be in the infirmary and we thought he might be bored, sir..."

"May I borrow those CDs, please?"

Now he was really confused. "Sure, Colonel." He opened a desk drawer and pulled out a handful. "I think we put these on there."

"Thank you, airman." I stalked out.

---

I really don't know why he jumped again when I came back. "Moyer!"

"Sir!"

I waved the CD boxes in his face. "I can't decide whether this stuff reminds me more of cheap hookers or gray-haired little old ladies."

"My wife and I listen to this music, sir."

I refrained from asking him whether his wife was a cheap hooker or a gray-haired little old lady. I just sighed. He wouldn't know what he'd done wrong anyway.

"Sir, this is all the latest stuff. Really. We just thought - " He waved a hand to where two of his colleagues were staring at me, wondering if the famous Colonel O'Neill had finally gone off the deep end. "We just figured it might entertain Dr. Jackson, sir."

"Sorry, airman. You didn't do anything wrong. I've got other problems on my mind." Oh no I don't, I said to myself, but I figured it was a small enough lie that I could put it over. I've never been good at lying. "I guess I'm a little unsure as to why you thought Dr. Jackson might want to listen to music that would make him feel - and this is my conservative estimate - ninety five million years old."

"Sir, I put Nine Inch Nails on there, sir!"

I tossed the discs onto his desk and spread my hands in acknowledgement. It wasn't as if I could explain to him what the problem was with his choice in music, anyway.

And it wasn't his fault that Daniel wasn't listening to Nine Inch Nails.

---

I thought maybe it would go away if I Hoped Real Hard.

But I didn't figure Daniel would give up so easily, and he didn't. I got the next fragment the next day. He didn't even bother to include a note this time.

People
You can never change the way they feel
Better let them do just what they will
And they will
If you let them steal your heart away.

Christ on a cracker.

Time for plan B.

---

Daniel was sitting at his desk when I burst in on him.

"Daniel, Jesus Christ, why don't you listen to Nine Inch Nails for a change?"

He just smiled and I didn't like that. Because that smile meant he figured he had me, or was on the way to having me. And that wouldn't do.

"Okay, Dr. Jackson, let's just get all the cards out on the table right now," I said, closing the door behind me and locking it.

That made him nervous, which was just the tactical advantage I was looking for. I plopped myself down in the chair on the other side of the desk and spread my arms. "So, are your intentions honorable or are you just looking for a quick fuck?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You want to marry me? Settle down, have babies, live in a house with two cars in the garage and a big lawn which you incidentally will have to mow 'cause I hate mowing and that's going to suck for you with your allergies and all? Or you just looking for a fuck? You know, sex."

"Uh, Jack... I wasn't really thinking in those terms..." He was blinking fast, which was a good sign. He was off balance.

I know you weren't, Danny. You're feeling mushy and needy and you're on the wrong track, and I've got to get you off it without causing a train wreck, if I can.

"Huh. No honorable intentions, no dishonorable intentions. Just what are your intentions, then, Daniel?"

"I wasn't thinking in terms of... I wasn't thinking ahead to..."

He had nowhere to go with that. I let him stew.

"I was just thinking back, actually, to, uh, the cave."

Right. Follow that through, Daniel. Need a little help?

"Would that be the part where you punched me in the jaw, the part where you nearly strangled me, or the part where you came like a freight train?"

I've never seen anyone blush that dark before, but this had to get out now. I had to lance this wound before it got infected.

"Actually, uh, the part where you kissed me."

There it was. Son of a fucking bitch. If I had known how that was going to come back and bite me in the ass... Well, let's see how much damage my tactical decision did.

"The part where I kissed you, okay." I nodded as if this were logical. "And what did you think about that?"

"How much I liked it." And then he looked at me again, not with the puzzling look, but with the honest, direct look, and I realized that if Daniel were to put his mind to it, he'd get the girl every time. Or the guy. Whoever he wanted, with a look like that.

That look belonged in an arsenal.

"Okay," I said, still keeping my tone completely reasonable. "I'm glad to hear it. It's nice to know, when you're my age, that you haven't completely lost your kissing skills."

That made him smile and he broke off that look - thank God. "No, Jack, you've still got it."

"Great, great."

"I punched you in the jaw?"

"Yeah, don't you remember?" I rubbed my chin. I don't bruise easy, and there was barely a mark, but it was there.

"I thought I dreamed that part."

"No, no, you didn't dream that part. But let's not change the subject." Once you start across the bridge, you have to get across, because you won't get a second chance. "So thinking about that kiss got you started sending me mushy emails, huh? Must have been a good kiss."

He blushed again but didn't look at me this time. Good. "I said it was."

"Sure that wasn't just the fact that you were coming like the aforementioned freight train?"

Now he did get that puzzled look again, and that was just what I wanted to see. "I'm not sure it was..."

So I tried to shift gears. "Daniel," I said softly, "you weren't yourself."

"Yes, Jack, I was."

We weren't talking about the same thing. Had to get him off-balance again. "So what you're saying is, what? You want me to fuck you up the ass?"

And I swear to God, I saw on his face exactly what he was thinking. The first thing he thought was, Ewww. I was trying to be crude, trying to jolt him out of this fantasy he was building before it hardened into something that would really damage my team. But right after the ewww, I saw him think about it. I saw him shrug, and he looked back at me, not so hungry in the eyes, but with a look that said, Why not?

I rolled my eyes and felt like punching him. "You know, Daniel," and I couldn't keep the exasperation out of my voice, "you REALLY need to be a little less open to new experiences."

He laughed and shrugged. That was my Daniel. Ever the intellectual adventurer. He might think about it, but I doubted he was really interested in it. Still, I wasn't going to scare him that way, and I backed off that track fast.

"Fine," I told him. "Let's try it this way. Do you think you are the first person to ever develop a crush on a commanding officer?"

Puzzled again. Excellent.

"I know what you think of the military, Daniel. That we're all rules and regulations, and of course we are, that's true. But it happens, happens all the time. Do you really think anyone would hold it against you?"

"Well, if you put it that way..." He took off his glasses, rubbed his eyes. I wondered if they were still hurting him. When he put them back on, he looked like Daniel, plain and simple, just like he used to look. "But what about you?" he said.

"Okay. You've known me for years now. Do you think - tell yourself honestly, now - do you think if there were something I really wanted, something I believed in, do you think I would hesitate to do it?"

I could see him flipping through our past missions in his mind. That's right, Daniel. You do know me. You know if I intend to do it, it gets done.

"Now, Daniel. We're in this room with the door closed and every reasonable assurance that we are free of surveillance. If I wanted to kiss you again, wouldn't I do it?"

There it was. Balanced on the knife point. Would he fall the way I wanted?

And I could see him figure it out. Of course. He knew the answer, because it was true. If I wanted to, I would.

And I could see that hurt his feelings.

"You think I'm a coward," he said, not looking at me, and his voice sounded hoarse. "I'm not the sort of person you can --" He didn't finish.

Oh Daniel. I wanted to hug him but now I couldn't, which was exactly why this sort of thing caused such a mess.

And he was making this just as hard as it possibly could be. I felt like I was tiptoing through a mine field. In a second I would start to sweat.

"Jesus, Daniel, why would I think that about you?"

He didn't say anything, just kept looking away from me.

"You remember the hike back to the gate?"

"Yeah, of course. I was awake," and he sounded angry.

"Tired, weren't you?"

"You know I was."

"Eyes bothering you? Couldn't see so good?"

That made him look at me, so I leaned forward.

"Knees shaking? Tough to put one foot in front of the other?"

He shrugged. "Yeah."

"But you walked it, didn't you? Twenty-five miles or so."

"Well, I had to." He sounded as if this were the logical conclusion to an equation.

"A lot of guys wouldn't have." I wished I could explain, how special ops training is designed to weed out two kinds of guys: the guys who just can't physically cut it, no matter how much they want to, and the guys who have all the physical capability they need but not all the willpower. Daniel had all the willpower. Daniel could have been the best of the best if he'd wanted to be a soldier. Didn't mean he had to be a soldier. He did other things with his life. I didn't think the less of him for it. He was who he was, after all, just like the rest of us. How could I boil it down for him? "A lot of guys who think they're much better soldiers than you are would have quit. You walked through that gate on your own two feet, Daniel."

"Leaning on you." There was the hungry look back again.

"On your own two feet. So let's not go there, okay? This isn't because you don't have what it takes. You're on my team. That should tell you everything you need to know about my estimation of your capabilities."

I got half a smile back. "Careful, Jack. Your big words are showing."

"This is just one of those things. Happens. But it can cause a lot of problems if you dwell on it, and goddamn it, you're dwelling. I want you to stop dwelling. Will you please try to stop the dwelling?" Was that enough? "Am I getting through here, Daniel?"

"I don't know. I'm going to have to think about it. Here's what I think. I think you're doing all the talking. And all you're talking about is me." He rested his chin in his hand as if we were at a staff meeting, and relaxed a little. Relaxed wasn't good as far as my objectives were concerned. I started to worry again. "I've been thinking about you. You, after all, were the one doing the kissing, Jack." Blue laser beams, I swear, shot out of his eyes straight at me and I heard warning bells in the back of my head. "That was what we originally were talking about, the kissing."

"True," I admitted. I wasn't going to fidget. Negotiating one oh one.

"So let's put it in your terms. It isn't about the house and the yard and it isn't about fucking me up the ass."

Christ, I wished I hadn't brought that up. Daniel didn't scare as easily as I thought he would. What had made me think he would? Stupid, stupid Jack, I told myself.

He inclined his head and spread his hands as if he were addressing an archaeology class. "However intriguing that may be as a possibility. No, I originally was talking about the kissing. Now, it seems to me that you're trying to get me off track here -"

Holy Shit. Mayday. Mayday.

"- because you don't want to talk about the actual kissing. Fine. But if I'm not a coward and I'm not weak, then you probably also know I'm nothing if not persistent. You also know I'm going to think about whatever I damn well please. So maybe you should be clear, Jack, about the outcome you want from this little discussion. Because that's what I'm not hearing so far."

I hate Ph.D.'s.

Okay. Plan C.

I stood up.

"All right, Daniel. I'm sorry if I wasn't clear. What I want is for you to realize that, while flattered, I'm not in love with you and I'd like you to get past this crush you've developed on me. I'd prefer it if we could both get through it to where we can relax with one another and trust one another because otherwise I don't see how SG-1 is going to work. Because I don't know how to make it work any other way, and that's my job, to make it work. See?"

He nodded. He looked thoughtful. "And you're not in love with me."

"Not in love with you."

"Not even considering it."

"Not even considering it."

"No fantasies, no whacking off in the shower with thoughts of -"

He was holding back a smile, and he almost made me laugh, but he didn't get me. I put both hands flat on the table and looked him right in the eyes. "No." I wanted him to know I was taking him seriously, because I was. "I mean it, Daniel."

He nodded again. "I hear you, Jack. I'll be in touch." And he waved me toward the door like I was dismissed.

I wondered when he'd gotten his stars. I wondered if he expected me to salute. I left.

Stubborn little bastard.

---

With Daniel off active duty I didn't want to take SG-1 out on any missions to new planets, and I didn't want to explain to General Hammond why I didn't want him back on active duty yet. Janet covered for me and told Hammond it was her recommendation, and whatever cover story she came up with - probably, knowing her, something very close to yet completely different from the exact truth - seemed to satisfy him.

So Daniel stayed home while Teal'c and Carter and I went with SG-3 to pick up a sarcophagus from one of the ongoing digs.

When you're used to counting to four all the time your brain constantly skips, looking around for the fourth person, even when you know perfectly well that he's not there and you know exactly why he's not there. It's just a habit. I figure cub scout leaders must have the same problem. Your brain just automatically counts to four every time you turn around. How many are at chow, how many are in bed, how many are on watch, how many haven't been shot, how many are breathing. Better be four, every time.

So it makes you edgy when your brain keeps skipping at three, three, three...

Levering the sarcophagus up off its pedestal and onto its... gurney-type-thing was an interesting engineering exercise to watch. I remember once I asked Daniel if they didn't do things in some more high-tech way at real archeological digs.

"First off, this is a real archaeological dig," he said huffily, looking at me through those glasses. I wanted to laugh just thinking of it. "Second, no, they really don't. You have to have equipment that will work in heat and sand and dirt and usually your nearest machine shop is days away. And you don't have money for people to do... whatever it is you're thinking of. You have archeologists, and whoever they can hire from the local help. So you do it with what you have." He'd looked around the dig. "Actually, this is the most equipment I've ever had to work with."

Apparently, on PH5-968 the government's best weapon in the war for sarcophagus removal was Teal'c's muscles.

There were a couple of other guys helping him but you could tell they were just for show. Well, maybe not for show, but Teal'c was pulling the weight.

The pulleys had gears so that they didn't release if he let go. Carter came up beside me while I was watching Teal'c getting his breath back. He wrapped the rope around both hands, shouted to the guys helping him, and pulled till every muscle in his arms, back and shoulders stood out. The sarcophagus slid upwards a few more inches.

"It's impressive, isn't it, sir," Carter said, and I looked at her.

"That's exactly the word, Carter. Impressive."

Normally I could just enjoy myself. Nice sunny day, no one shooting at us, and a chance to watch my team in action. Now I had to worry about whether or not Teal'c would think I was checking out his ass, or if Carter was lusting after him secretly, or if Carter would think I was lusting after him secretly... "You know, Carter, the problem with people is that they're just too damn complicated."

"True enough, sir, though I find that multidimensional topography is pretty far from simple too."

That made me snort. "I guess everyone has their problems."

"Something wrong, Colonel?" She put one of those pretty little death-dealing Ph.D. hands on my shoulder and squeezed. "Anything I can help you with?"

Ah, Carter. All these years I thought when the time came I'd have a problem with you. And as it turns out, you don't cause me any trouble at all, because for whatever reason you have the sense not to want a broken-down old colonel more than you want to bunny-hop across planets.

As it turns out, you're the one who sees what I can't hide in my eyes, and you don't hold it against me and you don't let it get in the way of the team, and you're gold, Carter, you're just pure twenty-four-carat gold.

"Have I ever mentioned, Carter, that you're perfect just the way you are?"

"Not lately, sir. Sir? Have you been infected with some sort of brain disease that I don't know about?"

"Nah. Just thought I'd mention it in case I hadn't lately."

"Should I get Teal'c, then, if we're going to swap valentines?"

She made me laugh. She wasn't the one who was supposed to make me laugh, I was supposed to make her laugh. I must be more off-balance than I thought. "Nah, leave him alone. Look at all the fun he's having."

"He really is."

We could both see it in the way he looked around after every heave, as if he knew he was giving all the Tau'ri around him fits of inadequacy and as if it just tickled his jaffa funny bone every time he did it.

Ah, the simple pleasures in life.

---

Teal'c washed before he came to sit by the fire that night. He was like a cat, formal and clean all the time.

"Have fun today?" I asked him while I sat.

"I worked extremely hard, O'Neill," he said rather disapprovingly, I thought. "I did not see how you and Major Carter employed your time."

"Oh, we let one of the archaeologist types order us around for a while. I actually did some digging. Hope I didn't break something important."

"It is a shame Daniel Jackson could not accompany us on this mission. His skills would have been helpful."

"Yeah, they usually are." I squinted into the flames, wished I had some marshmallows to toast. "'Specially on this kind of thing. Wish we could give him more opportunities to dig in the dirt and less opportunities to get shot at."

Teal'c cocked an eyebrow. "Daniel Jackson knows the dangers that SG-1 is likely to encounter, and he is very committed to the team."

"Yeah, yeah..."

"I am quite serious." Teal'c looked at me thoughtfully. "He began hoping to rescue his wife. I believe that he realized quite soon that he could have very little hope for that outcome. He fights the Goa'uld the best way he can - by learning everything he can about them and searching for weapons with which to fight them.

You consider each mission through the gate a military operation, O'Neill. So does Daniel Jackson, in his way. I have seen him prepare for his missions. He chooses his books and takes his notes quite as carefully as you clean your weapons and pack ammunition."

I ... well, I didn't know what to think about that. Did Teal'c think he had to lecture me about Daniel's contribution to the group?

Did he?

"I know how hard he works for us, Teal'c. He's even managed to overcome that uselessly theoretical thing I hate about scientists and learn how to fire a weapon."

Teal'c inclined his head. "Daniel Jackson fights most valiantly when the need arises."

"Uh, yeah, Teal'c, I know."

What was with the lecture? Why did everyone suddenly think I underestimated Daniel's ... well, what would you call it? Strength? Ability to fight? Commitment to the fight?

"I do not presume to tell you what you already know about the warriors under your command, O'Neill," Teal'c added, then proceeded to do it again. "A commander of warriors with such very different skills must constantly remind himself that they may not always see each goal exactly the same way he does. Yet a good commander can still get his team to accomplish its goals by taking their different visions into account."

"Teal'c, do you really need me here, or would you mind if I stepped out for a while?"

He inclined his head again, and I decided to walk the camp perimeter.

What had I just been lectured about? I knew Daniel didn't see every mission as a battleground. That's why he was always in more danger than the rest of us. Even if he could fight and shoot, he was always more worried about translations and artifacts than bullets and pincer movements, and that's why he was --

Oh.

Wait a minute.

Carter didn't think of every mission as a tactical maneuver either. I knew that for a fact, and I trusted her to rig my exploding hilltops any day.

And Teal'c - this was a religious mission for Teal'c, a mission for freedom. He didn't even expect to win in his lifetime. He wouldn't be happy - and his spirit wouldn't rest - until every Goa'uld in the universe was eradicated. He couldn't be satisfied if we all just arrived back through the Stargate alive.

But I was. That was my goal, every time. Just get everyone back through the Stargate alive.

Well, that was, after all, my job. They all had bigger pictures to look at. I just had to keep them alive.

Wasn't that big enough?

Of course it was. Teal'c wasn't dissing me for doing my job. He never would. So what was he trying to tell me?

Carter and Daniel and Teal'c had different views of every mission because of who they were, what they wanted out of life and out of SG-1. I knew that.

Well,...

I knew it. I did.

Maybe I was a little too busy looking through my own lens to remember that they didn't see things exactly the same way.

Another stupid mistake, Jack, and one that will not only lose you your soldiers, it will lose you the mission. Because once everyone's chasing a different finish line, it all goes to hell.

That was my job, as much as to get them all through the gate. To get them to all have the same mission outcome in mind.

And to get them all back through the gate.

Was I punishing Daniel because he didn't have the same mission objective that I had? Or because he had jeopardized my mission objective when it had conflicted with his own?

Or because his current mission objective didn't jibe with mine?

I knew one thing:

Our brains did not work the same way.

I knew Jack had taken the rest of SG-1 off to PH5-968 and left me in this mountain to try to get my act together as he saw it.

I probably would have done the same if I were him.

No, I wouldn't. Dammit, I had work to do on PH5-968. I should be there right now, organizing the search for -

Oh, it didn't matter. Someone else would do it.

Wouldn't they?

Was that the problem? Was I feeling unneeded, unnecessary?

Unneeded doesn't begin to describe how you feel when everyone in your field calls you crazy. For years on end. It was safe to say I hadn't been needed by my profession.

My parents hadn't needed me - and then they were gone.

I had been needed by my wife - and I failed her when she needed me most.

And then on PX8-002, when my job was to negotiate a deal with the Shiakana, who seemed to have an almost unlimited supply of staff weapons and no interest in using them, what do I do? I get kidnapped and tortured and have to be rescued, like the damsel in distress. Like a big, meaty, stupid, useless damsel in distress.

And I respond by making a play for the knight in shining armor.

I didn't blame Jack. I didn't think I was working up to my potential either.

Was that all I wanted? A fairy tale ending?

Not that he would go for it, because he wouldn't. He'd made that quite clear already.

So what was there even to think about?

Well, if you're not waiting for a knight in shining armor to carry you away from all this, what are you waiting for? What are you getting done with your life? a voice asked in the back of my head. You've wasted so much of it already. You had so little time with Shau're - you spent three times as long failing her as you did living with her. Is that the best you can do with this life? Really?

What was the alternative? I asked the little voice again. Because honestly, I didn't think I was going to start buying Jack's clothes and groceries and making his coffee in the morning.

Where was the in-between spot?

I'd had an epiphany on PX8-002. I just couldn't... quite... figure out what it was yet.

I turned on my iPod again and looked back at the symbols I couldn't translate.

---

That night I cooked pasta and a steak because that was all I could think of to eat. The house was startlingly empty of vegetables.

I broke open a bottle of red wine I'd been saving for something, I didn't know what but surely if it hadn't happened by now it was never going to happen, and poured it for myself.

I wished it would rain, so I could stare thoughtfully out the window at the rain. That would be poetic, and quite possibly, useful. But the sky didn't oblige.

Instead I stared at a spider crawling on the wall that I didn't have the heart to get up and kill.

Okay, the heart of it was: I had felt scared. And Jack had made me feel safe.

I had been in pain, and Jack had made the pain go away.

I had been tired, and Jack gave me time to sleep.

Seemed like Jack had done a lot for me, when I thought about it that way, and what had I done for Jack?

I was making Jack incredibly uncomfortable with what he called a crush.

Well, I could stop doing that if I had to.

That wouldn't be so hard.

I mean, it shouldn't be hard. I didn't know why it had to be hard. I didn't know why I hadn't already let it go. But I hadn't. In fact, I'd sent another email off to Jack this morning, just because I could.

Is that why I was doing it, just because I could?

I didn't think I was really in love with Jack. I mean, I was pretty sure. Don't ask me to define love - though I have thirty-eight dictionaries that claim to, back at the office. I never knew what it was until it whacked me in the face. Till Shau're whacked me in the face, or practically. She didn't need any words to tell me what she wanted from me and what she wanted to give me - and I had never been able to deal with anything that didn't involve words. She changed my life - and I lost her, in an instant, because of a government program that I thought I'd safely left behind.

A government program which, I was pretty sure, I could cripple if I continued to romantically pursue my commanding officer, as Jack would say.

Was I that desperate to be in control of something? Or to make the government pay? Or to get - how did they say it - to get some of my own back?

Did I want Jack to come bouncing through my door like a puppet on a string just because I sent him an email?

Oh Christ, I did.

Put it that way, and it doesn't sound so good.

I swallowed what was in my glass, poured another one, closed my eyes with the glass resting on my knee. I could feel Jack's body pushing against mine, pushing me against the rock, pushing me down into the rocky dirt in the cave, pushing me into sleep.

Because I wanted it. Because I needed it.

Is that what I was doing? Pulling his strings to see what else I could get him to do? Because I wanted it?

Didn't my subconcious realize that Jack had other things to do?

When we returned from our milk run, with sarcophagus-...es, I didn't even want to open my email when I got back to base, but I had to, after all. Too many people email Jack O'Neill.

There were the forty-eleven requests for information from various people throughout the mountain that I normally came home to; a note from an old friend still out in the field who had an email address for me that did not match this one - personal mail wound a tortuous route here, a route that was secure and could not be traced; and three emails from Daniel.

One was marked "Report on Aramaic derivations in the native language of P33-577."

I figured I'd give that a miss.

One was dated two days after we'd left.

Another sound file, with no note:

People
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through

And the second one, dated just fourteen hours before our return, was just four lines of text, no sound:

Fooled me with the tears in your eyes
Covered me with kisses and lies
...
Strange that I was wrong enough
To think you loved me too...

Whoa. That didn't sound good. Or right.

In fact, unless I was missing something, all these song lyrics led up to a big "Sayonara, baby."

Teal'c and Carter didn't even know how much trouble we were in. I was looking at losing Daniel unless I could figure out what was going on and fix it. Or maybe just help him fix it.

And there it was, my biggest fear, staring me in the face.

I couldn't lose SG-1.

I would have to do something. And it was going to have to be quick.

---

He looked up immediately when I popped into the office, looked startled.

"Hey Daniel," I said. "How're you feeling?"

"Uh, fine, actually." He was blinking.

"Good, good, glad to hear it. One hundred percent?"

He shrugged. "I think so. I saw Janet day before yesterday and she seemed to think I was fine."

"That's great. So you up for some dinner tonight?"

"Huh?"

"Dinner. I want dinner. Food not cooked by airmen over an open fire. Thought you might want to have some with me."

"Well... sure, Jack. Sure."

"Good. Meet me at my place. How's seven?"

He had that little crink in his brow. "Your place?"

"Yeah, my place. You remember where it is, right?"

"Uh, yeah, yeah..."

"Good. Meet me there at seven." I popped right back out again, hands in my pockets, giving him no time to question me.

Damn right at my place, Daniel. I want to be on my own turf - and away from here.

---

Then I spent half an hour fiddling through the CDs in my desk. There was no opera that could help me now. Not even the bitter German kind.

Why, goddammit why, was it that all I had in the desk were opera CDs? I was trying to get away from the fruitier territory here.

I had to dig, and when I found one that wasn't opera, I had to listen to the whole damn thing to see if there was anything I could use.

There was.

---

"Moyer!"

I swear to God I can't figure out why that little guy is so jumpy. He jerked like he'd been shot. "Sir?"

"Show me how to work this, Moyer." I plopped down in a chair and tossed a disc at him.

"Uh, it's a CD, sir."

"Yeah, it's just for practice. I want to be able to edit those digital audio files. Hammond says we can all have digital recorders for our notes if we want them. I thought I'd try it out. Daniel says it's easy."

"Well, sir, it isn't hard..."

I popped open the case, tossed the disc at him across the desk, told him the track number.

"Let's practice on this."

He looked at me as though I'd lost my mind. "Abba, sir?"

"Moyer, are you questioning the musical taste of a superior officer?"

"No, sir!"

"Good. 'Cause it's what was in my desk. So let's get to it."

---

Daniel was late, which I figured he would be. I'd planned dinner accordingly. Can't hurt stew to wait.

I knew Daniel didn't think much of my cooking skills but this was my grandmother's recipe, and it was hard to screw up. Chunks of cut-up chicken, potatoes, and carrots.

And the best part about it was, it was completely unlike an MRE.

When he finally showed up at the door, he had his hands dug in his pockets. Before he even said anything, he had that little crink in his brow. Jesus, does he ever shut his mouth all the way?

"Daniel. Come in."

"Uh yeah, uh... hi." He came in.

"Hungry? I hope so. I've got a big pot of this stew."

"Smells good." He wandered around looking at my stuff. Can't remember when he was here last but it can't have been that long ago. I didn't clean for him, didn't dress either. I was glad to see he hadn't brought me anything. This wasn't a date.

It was Waterloo.

It remained to be seen if I was Napoleon or the other guy.

I ladled us up big bowls of food, and put them on the table without a lot of ceremony. "Want a beer?"

"Uh... sure, I guess, if you're having one."

"Amen." I opened the bottles and clinked them down on the table, sat. "Join me, why don't you."

He slid his chair under the table, began poking at the stew with a spoon.

"Tell me about the translation of the tablets from P4C-388."

"Why?"

"Because it will be marginally less boring than reading your report, and because then I won't have to talk. Because I'm hungry."

That got me half a smile, and he started to shovel in the grub. Whoa, he was hungry after all.

"I mean it, you know," I reminded him after a few minutes of silent shovelling.

"Oh, uh... Okay." And I was safely able to eat my dinner while Daniel told me, in between bites, about the similarities between the poetry fragment from P4C-388 and our own Beowulf and speculated about the existence of fantastic animals like dragons in Goa'uld palaces in days of yore on a variety of different planets. I had to remind myself not to interrupt because A), I had only sarcastic observations to make, not knowing a thing about the topic, and B), I didn't want to talk with my mouth full because Daniel actually is not the sort of person who generally talks with his mouth full.

So aside from me getting to eat my dinner, Daniel relaxed, which I had intended.

And I think I learned something about Beowulf. Unintended consequence, I can assure you.

"Full?